-Let me just say that K&W is amazing. Four young girls eating food for under $4.00 with a bunch of elderly people. haha Cant get any better than that. Bingo anyone?-

I am so glad Im pregnant with just one kid and not two. Today I babysat elijah and michelle all day and it is so tiring. Maybe its because Im pregnant but I could not imagine having twins. And although I absolutly adore litte kids, I will most deff be waiting a while longer to have my next. haha

I started painting the new room last night and I can not wait for it to be done. It gets old sitting around every night painting while your friends are out enjoying summer. But its all good cuz it will be worth it when its finished. I really wish I was going to Haiti this year. Im going to miss it a lot. Expecially little Loni who I told I would see next year. And I know he remembers because last summer when I went back for the 2nd time he remembered me. I see all of these people I know doing amazing mission work and sometimes it makes me feel insignificant and feel like Im not making an impact on the world for God like I should. I try to remember that not everyone is called to do missions over seas, and that He has called me to be a mom and do things for him here, and I know that God needs people here in America working for the Lord as well, but sometimes it can get discouraging.

So I was reading The Purpose Driven Life last night (which btw is an amazing book and everyone needs to read it) and it showed me that life really is a series of problems. Everytime you solve or get over one, another is waiting to take its place. But the pursuit of happiness is NOT what life is about. We have longings that will never be fulfilled in this life, and there are many unhappy endings here on earth. When people rely on circumstances to determine their happiness and peace, they will search forever and never find it. Everytime I forget that character is one of God's purposes for my life, I will get frustrated by my circumstances. God's ultimate goal in my life is not comfort, but character. So when I have problems or difficulties, I need to focus on the fact that there will be many times in my life when it is painful and disconcerting, but that it is absolutely vital for the development of my faith, and I should happy and thankful for it, and through it all.

I know that getting pregnant and the continual health problems are all part of God's plan. He has already used them to draw me back to him from the lifestyle I was living prior. While I partyed and lived my life for myself, he was there the whole time begging me to come back to him and I ignored him. So he kept sending me problems and difficulties until I finally had nowhere else to turn but to him. Sometimes I wonder why others are out there living their life ignoring God and he lets them remain in that, while he chose me to be brought back to him. I am so thankful for that, and I believe that God's children can not remain living their lives for themselves and others forever. The time will come when God will bring problems or difficulties along that will leave them with nowhere else to turn but God.

It is now 2:06 in the morning and I can not get to sleep for the life of me. Its kind of hard to sleep when someone you care about a lot is mad at you.
Dont you hate it when you try to explain something to someone but you just cant. Its like there arent words to describe it but you still feel it. I hate that and I wish I would have just kept my mouth shut, but I tend to have a slight problem of telling people exactly what I think and feel. Some people say thats a good thing, but I would like to disagree and say that it deff isnt at times. Tonight was one of those lovely times.
Just a random thought: you know that song thats all like "my weakness is I care too much."? Well I think I might have that problem....if its possible.
I was hoping this whole blogging thing might make me sleepy but its not working so well. I seriously dont think Im gunna be able to get to sleep tonight........

Yay for finally being unsick!!! Today was GORGEOUS and it reminded me of how excited I am for Summer. : )
Random fact about MC: My absolute faveorate thing to do is ride in my car with the widows rolled down listening to music on a day like today, something about it is so relaxing.
But annnywho, let me just tell you how embarassing being pregnant can be some times. And I dont mean like, embarassed about the fact that Im pregnant and all, because I am absolutely thrilled about that. But hormones make you turn into someone that you arent. And Im not joking. haha I will be in a bad mood and having a freak out day where little things seem so HUGE and the next morning Ill wake up, with my hormones back to normal, and realize how retarded I was and how I reacted to certain things and be totally embarassed. Its bad. I NEVER was like this before I was pregnant and I can not wait to be back to normal. haha
Did I mention how much I freakin love life? Me and Rach DROVE through the woods of Hugh Mcrae park yesturday. Yeah, and it was already embarassing enough but seeing someone you know makes it ten times worse. haha And THEN as we're standing by someone smoking, I embarass myself by saying rather loudly, "YAY Cancer!!" haha So basically what Im getting at, is it was an amazing night!!! <3

I have learned lately to trust God fully in every aspect of my life. With the present difficulties of health problems,the slow process of losing a sibling, and the giving over of areas of my life to God to do as he pleases, I know that the Lord works for the good of those who love him, and whatever comes my way, he will give me the strength to endure it.

Many people ask where God is when they are experiencing difficult times in their life, and it is through their pushing away of the Lord and untrust, that they are drowning out his words of hope, love, strength, and peace. Present situations and problems do not change who God is, but are meant to bring him glory and exemplify the perfect characteristics of him that NEVER change. If we can learn to trust him fully, then we enable ourselves to hear him saying, "I am with you," and feel the comfort of his arms carrying us through it all.

Ok so I just need to comment on how rude and moody people can be, when all you did was try to be nice to them. (Rach if you're reading this, yes I am STILL thinking about this whole thing that happened, it really bugs me.haha)

Anywho, enough about that. I have to ride up to Duke soon to see the doctors up there about my blood. I am not excited because I know they're going to be doing a ton of blood work and I hate getting my blood taken. I just hope the blood issue doesnt affect Joel. Whatever happens to me I can deal with, but I dont know what I would do if something happened to him. Sounds completely cliche' but its so true.


Joel moves around and kicks soooo much its insane! I have a feeling as he starts to get bigger, Im not going to be getting much sleep. I think he has his nights and days mixed up because he kicks a lot more at night than he does in the morning. I rarely feel him until about 12 everyday. haha But once he starts, he sure doesnt stop.
And I deff am showing for sure now. Well Im headed to the grocery store to buy stuff to make an oreo pudding for Nick. haha Im sure Ill write later...<3